The Return of The INCREDIBLE BONDS!

Out in the barren valleys of San Francisco, a lone, hulking figure roams the waste lands. He is forever searching for the cure to his disorder. Unfortunately for him, his dual personality refuses his cries for change and continues to feed off of that which made him: steroids. His name? THE INCREDIBLE BONDS!


Inside San Francisco's Happy Rainbow Liberachi Memorial Hospital:

Doctor: Alright, how are you feeling today?

Cancer patient: I'm fuckin' dyin', man!

Doctor: That probably sucks. Here, this steroids should help treat your whatever...canker sores, right?

Patient: Cancer, asshat!

Doctor: Right, right.

Suddenly, a rumbling is heard and the hot pink hospital shakes.

Doctor: Oh my, is that another one of California's famous hurricane's?

Patient: You mean earthquake. God, you're horrible.

Through the wall bursts a giant mass of 40-some odd years of steroids in the making named the Incredible Bonds!



Incredible Bonds: BONDS SMASH! WANT MUSCLE JUICE! STAB INTO BONDS POOP MACHINE!

Doctor: It appears this beast wishes to rape us!

Patient: No wonder I'm dying. I bet I have a treatable form of cancer too...

Female Voice: BARRY! PLEASE SNAP OUT OF IT!

The door opens as the former mistress of the Incredible Bonds enters the room.



Kimberly Bell: Please don't do it, Barry! I know you can fight this horrible monster known as Bonds and cure yourself of this burden.

Incredible Bonds: BOOBIES?

Kim: Damn, I knew he wouldn't be able to listen to me. That's why I brought in a few friends who have gone through the same inflictions.



Mark McGwire: Hello, Barry. Look, I'm not here to talk about the past. I won't say I know where you're coming from or what you're going through because that's in the past. I can't tell you I understand the unquenchable thirst for Winstrol or Deca Durbin. That's the past. I can't explain the awkwardness I experienced when teammates shot my butt up with steroids. This isn't about the past.

Kim: Okay, you're useless. Maybe this guy can help.




Sammy Sosa: Yo no puedo pretender hablar Inglés.

Kim: Looks like I have no choice but to call in the abomination...



Jose Canseco: CANSECO SMASH! NEED SMASH JUICE TO GROW MORE MULLET!

Kim: I don't understand, I thought he stopped taking steroids.

Sosa: He did, m'lady. However, his intellect was never what one would call "stellar".

Kim: Wait, I thought you spoke only Spanish?

Sosa: Que?