Seriously, I hope that thing isn't real. It could terrorize NYC worse than that Cloverfield monster thing. Anyway, for those of you who may not know, Bob Raissman pretty much hates sports teams. At least, all of the ones he talks about (especially the Yankees). If you give a soft interview to Tom Brady, watch out! You should be grilling pretty boy about all of the shady shit he does, like baby shaking and heroin dealing. Honestly, other than asking about his bastard child, there are no hardball questions you can throw his way. "Hey, how come you didn't complete 100% of your passes last week? What's wrong with you, pussy?" I'm not even a Patriots fan (in fact I pray they lose) and I have no objection with giving Brady his 80th weakling interview of the day. But really, that doesn't bother me that much.
That's not what bothers me, so much as the holy war he has against the Yankees and their YES network. He takes extreme offense that the YANKEES ENTERTAINMENT AND SPORTS network won't offer hard hitting criticism against their own team, pretty much calling it a propaganda network. Um...no shit, sherlock. When was the last time you saw ANY network take a shot at their team. Do you see NESN taking a dump on the Dice-K deal and how he didn't live up to the lofty expectations of his first season? Or how about SNY denouncing the Mets after their historic collapse last season? No, because THAT'S BAD BUSINESS, DICK! Why would you talk bad about your own product? Here, I'll dissect some of his recent garbage:
After watching YES' "Hot Stove" feature on Phil Hughes, it appears, according to YES, certain allegations made about Roger Clemens don't really exist. They are imaginary - just like the Tooth Fairy.
Much of the Hughes piece shows the pitcher going through his daily offseason workout regimen (lifting weights, etc.) at the Yankees' Tampa facility.
At one point in the story, Hughes says: "God-given ability can only get you so far, then it's up to you to maximize that. Even if I can just take a little bit of what Roger did for us last year, (to) see the way he works out ... see the way he goes about his business, it kind of gives you an idea of what you need to do to stay in this game as long as he did."
Okay, everyone knows the Roger Clemens business. Former trainer Brian NcNamee said he did it, Clemens said he didn't and is fighting the case head on. I kinda think he did the 'roids, but without proof or a more detailed description of his regime I give him some benefit of the doubt. Plus, Clemens did have a brutal work out routine, that's true. He just might have had a little "boost" during those sessions. There's nothing wrong with Phil Hughes looking at Clemens working out and taking something from it. As long as it doesn't mean him taking steroids.
It seems the "idea" of what Clemens needed to do "to stay in this game as long as he did" is contained in Mitchell's report. Or, at least, allegations of what Clemens did. In the report, Clemens' former trainer, Brian McNamee, alleges that the seven-time Cy Young Award winner had been juicing since 1998.
If the Hughes feature was shot before the Mitchell Report came out, it would have been a good idea for YES - perhaps through "Hot Stove" host Bob Lorenz - to mention that fact. And if the Hughes interview was shot after the report was released, well, YES made the young pitcher look like a fool.
I like how Raissman treats the words "allegations" and "alleged" like they're these annoying little legal details he has to abide by. What they really mean are nothing has been proven by a court of law nor has their been an admission of guilt by the accused party, so it really is speculation without hard evidence. And no, the same can't be said of Barry Bonds because he admitted under oath to using steroids (although he claimed to not knowing what it was). Whether or not Bonds used more than he admitted to is alleged.
Someone should have edited the Clemens line out of the story. Unless, of course, it was left in on purpose to further discredit Mitchell's report.
Also, 9/11 was an inside job, we really didn't land on the moon, and the 1985 NBA Draft was rigged so the Knicks could get Patrick Ewing with the first pick.
After all, when David Justice, a YES analyst, was named in Mitchell's report - Justice denied allegations he paid Kirk Radomski, the Mets' former clubhouse attendant, for "two or three kits" of human growth hormone - Ray Hopkins, YES' chief operating officer, said he had no reason to doubt Justice's claim that he had not taken performance-enhancing drugs.
Well, Justice gave a pretty convincing rebuttal, and since there is no proof he took HGH, we have to give him the benefit of the doubt. And God forbid an employer sticks behind his employee. Whatta dick.
Curiously, a few weeks after Hopkins' vote of confidence, Justice was out as YES' studio analyst. His departure was accompanied by some typically lame Al Yankzeera spin about Justice having to supervise the "rebuilding" of his house.
His house burned down in the California fires. You're saying if it was you, Bob Raissman, you would have said to your wife and kids "Hey, good luck cleaning this shit up. I'm off to the other side of the country to call baseball games!" Honestly, it's called being a responsible father and husband. Sorry if he doesn't have a sweet mustache like you. Besides, he's still contributing to the company's website.
Now that's creative.
Almost as creative as Hughes' take on Clemens' longevity.
Not nearly as creative as some of the nicknames you give out in this article:
Al Yankzeera - I wish this nickname meant they plan on beheading Michael Kay
Suzyn (Georgie Girl) Waldman - Okay...
Fred (Skill Sets) Wilpon - Wtf does this mean?
Adam (Nabob of Nugget) Schein - Ditto
Mike (Sports Pope) Francesa - Does he wear a big hat?
Chris (Mad Dog) Russo - No, wait, that's his actual nickname
That's just from his recent column. Off the top of my head, I know he calls Hank Steinbrenner Hankenstein for some reason. He kinda looks like the monster, I guess. It's all unfair, because no one ever gives Bob a taste of his own medicine. Until now. I give you: Bob (Iron Sheik) Raissman!
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