Massacre?

The Red Sox swept the Yankees for the first time in who cares. Boston fans collectively had to change their drawers due to an over-abundance of ecstasy in their pants. Meanwhile, New Yorkers hold a summoning ceremony and sacrifice a goat to resurrect the 80 year old corpse of Roger Clemens. Yeah, because I'm sure a 45 year old power pitcher switching from the National League to the American League is gonna be the answer. Oh God, I'm actually about to do research again. His average ERA with the Yanks was slightly over 4. While this isn't bad, it's not exactly savior numbers. And unless Roger Clemens has wine for blood, I don't think old age will make him better than those numbers. You do have to take into account his amazing ERAs in the NL...but remember Randy Johnson had similar numbers before making his mediocre leap to the Bronx. The best bet for Yankees fans? Pray Mike Mussina and Chien Ming Wang return from their injuries, tell Carl Pavano to stop being such a big pussy, wish for Kei Igawa to at least eat innings, whack Torre before the bullpen drops dead by June, and hope that they don't rush the development of Phil Hughes. If they do all 80 of those things...REJOICE, NEW YORKERS!

Around the league:

Alfonso Soriano - 0 homers, 1 ribbie, 6 runs, and a stolen base. Money well spent. Okay, jokes aside, he'll pick up the pace eventually, but that was WAY too much money spent on a guy sporting a career .325 on-base percentage. The sad thing is, Barry Zito will probably still end up winning the award for "Worst Big Contract" of the year.

Barry Bonds - It's happening, just accept the fact and also accept that someone will break his record. But every time a successor is named Ken Griffey Jr. breaks or sprains another limb.

David Wright - 1 ribbie in his last 10 games, 4 for the year, and ZERO homers. WTF is that all about? Glad I drafted you in fantasy baseball....dick.

Gil Meche - Who would've thought he'd shut his critics up (at least for now)? 2.22 ERA , a 1.20 WHIP, and averaging over 7 innings a game. Lets see this last...

Blue Jays - healthy BJ Ryan = Fucked. Their starting rotation wasn't that strong to begin with.