So the other night I'm talking fantasy baseball with one of my friends (not my fantasies about baseball...er...scratch this) when the subject of "speed" comes up. I jokingly mention that my team lacks speed (stolen bases) so badly that Barry Bonds and his five bum knees is my bag stealing threat. I told my friend that the only speed Barroid has are the performance enhancing kind (get it?!? no? fuck you). So what does that surly sonuvabitch go ahead and do? Swipes a bag for me in his first game! Okay, maybe he did it more for his godfather Willie Mays than for me, but I'm pretty sure he winked at the camera as a gesture towards me. Kudos to you, mister Bonds. You can go ahead and fill your whole damn bathtub with flaxseed oil for all I care. Here's towards your first (and possibly only) stolen base of the year!
I'm pretty sure I just set a world record for the most references to "speed", "stolen", and "swipe" in that paragraph alone. Oh, and I had two gay innuendos in there. Fuck I'm good.
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1 comment:
Real men play hockey Brian.
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