So, you've heard the news? Before you say shit, listen up you jackanapes: DON'T QUESTION THE MINNESOTA TWINS! We turn water into wine, bud light to Guinness, and A.J. Pierzynski into Francisco Liriano/Joe Nathan. So shut your goddamn mouth! If I wanna trade Johan Santana for three pennies, a bag of corn nuts (ranch flavor, of course), a canary, and the complete series of Hannah Montana, than that's what I'm gonna do! SHUT UP! SHUT YOUR JEW YAPS UP, YOU MEALY MOUTHED REPORTERS!
Alright, Bill...lets compose ourselves. Remember your limit of one racial/ethnic slur per press conference. The truth is, ladies and faggots of the news media, we kinda boned things up a little bit. The Yankees offered us a good package with a possible future ace, and we got kinda drunk during the winter meetings. So we decided to ask for their whole farm. Yeah, you read that right: their whole AAA, AA, Single A, etc. Tequila makes you do some crazy shit. Message to Billy Beane: use lube next time, you harsh fuck. As for the Red Sox, they offered a cancer patient and an injun. In separate packages. I wouldn't take that in the same package, especially from a general manager who happens to be a ki...
*microphone cuts off as security shoves reporters out of the room*
No comments:
Post a Comment