Need work!

Kyle Lohse stood in the unemployment line munching on his last Ritz cracker. An old woman stood in front of him and was about to finally get to the front of the line. He tried throwing baseballs at her legs earlier in order to cut her in line, but he can't seem to accurately hit her legs from 3 feet. After trying for her head and torso, Lohse gave up and kicked her in the knees. What transpired next is truly horrible...

Kyle: Take that, ya old hag! Losers never prosper! Unless you're brought up in a winners farm system or traded to a playoff bound team!

Receptionist: Sir, that was my mother bringing me lunch. And please calm down the overuse of exclamation points. What can I do for you?

Kyle: Yeah, I need work! Preferably in the National League! There's no DH and mediocrity is more than acceptable there! Shiiiiiit, if Carlos Silva can get a ridiculous contract why can't the Lohse hose!?!

Receptionist: Wow, even your questions are riddled with exclamation points. Besides sir, you're too late. Every year we help unemployed mediocrity get hired in major league baseball. Unfortunately, we have a quota that's already been filled. If you had come by sooner...

Kyle: Fuck you! I postpone my vacation to Legoland for NO ONE!!!

Receptionist: Oh God, three of them... Regardless, this year we've already helped out clients Lieber, Silva, and Rowand, to name just a few. I'd appreciate it if you and your friends would either try other routes or search other avenues of employment.

Kyle: Friends!?!


Suddenly, the door busted wide open.



Kenny Lofton: K-LOFT IS IN THE HIZZYYYYYYYYY!!!

Kyle: You have trouble getting signed too, K-Loft!?!

K-Loft: Yeah, can you believe that shit? How am I not signed yet? There's still at least three teams out there I haven't played for yet! I'm a corner outfielder who can't hit a home run in a little league park, sure! However, I can still swipe bases! SPEEDSTERS NEED MONEY TOO!!!

Receptionist: Uh oh, if you two are here, that means *he* isn't far behind!

K-Loft and Kyle: He who!?!

A rumble was then heard, followed by the wall crumbling down.



The Incredible Bonds: BONDS SMASH!!!!

Receptionist: *Sigh* Not a single period in sight...