Lupica = Mr. Met

Even when A-Rod was having the kind of all-time April he was having, you want to know something?

Reyes was still the best baseball show going.

Wha? Look, Reyes is a good ballplayer despite those annoying soccer chants Mets fans scream every time he steps up to the plate. But A-Rod was having a MONSTER month. It seemed like every at-bat there was a chance he'd launch one out of the park. He was hitting multiple homers in some games and had a walk-off grand slam, something not done very often. How is that less exciting than some dude stealing bases?

You know who I think really pulled the trigger on the Randy Moss trade to the Patriots?

The Patriots' quarterback.

Brady's the GM now too?

Because I have a feeling that Tom Brady looked at the guys Peyton Manning was throwing to last January and then looked at the guys he, Brady, was throwing to, and decided that if he couldn't have Marvin Harrison, Moss would do.

Even if he had a worse attitude than all the Cincinnati Bengals combined.

Yeah, sounds like a winning recipe to me. They already picked up a few good receivers in the offseason. The Moss deal almost smelled of overkill. We'll see, I suppose.

You know what kind of young starter the Yankees are looking for these days?

John Maine.

I'm pretty sure they're pleased with how Phil Hughes is developing and how Chein Ming Wang turned out. Besides, why single out one team? Why not just say every team is looking for a young starter like Maine? Is Colorodo looking for shitty young starters with one arm? That's like saying the Mets would be lucky to have Hughes. No shit.

Sports fans can boo anybody they want to in sports, booing is one of the last rights they have left.

And they sure do buy the right when they buy the ticket.

But...

I just don't think that right should include David Wright.

Um...The guy went through almost the entire month of April without hitting ONE homer, was batting like shit and driving in no runs. I should know, he was bogging my damn fantasy team down at 3B. Besides, what has Wright done in his young career to garner that kind of special treatment? He hasn't won a championship, no real awards of any sort, he's not even the best player on his team. It's not like we're talking about Albert Pujols or Derek Jeter here.

Okay, all the Jets fans who wanted their team to draft Brady Quinn raise a hand.

I'm sure hardcore Jets fans were happy with getting a great cornerback after the weak 4 man rotation they had at right corner last year. I'm sure the casual fan was disappointed.

You know the deal with Harlan Coben: Even after you finish reading "The Woods," you expect one more plot twist after you leave the room.

And you are going to love "Up in Honey's Room" by the great Elmore Leonard for a lot of reasons.

You've got your escaped Nazis running around Detroit, you've got Carl Webster from "The Hot Kid" chasing them, you've got a bad guy who thinks he's Heimlich Himmler's separated-at-birth twin.

Mostly, though, you've got a blonde named Honey Deal, one of the coolest female leads Leonard has ever written.

It goes on sale Tuesday.

Why did I include this part? I could ask the same thing of Lupica. This is supposed to be a sports column. I'm sure 95% of his readers have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. I sure as hell don't.

Rudy Giuliani trying to channel Ronald Reagan the other night was funnier than the way he used to look when he'd dress up in drag.

Yeah, when he supported abortion rights I instantly thought "Reagan".

The President keeps talking about how he's not going to let a bunch of Washington guys micro-manage his war in Iraq when that's exactly what he let a dim-bulb like Donald Rumsfeld do for years.

Um, when the fuck did this turn into a political column? AND WHY DO WE CARE WHAT A SPORTS FUCKING COLUMNIST THINKS ABOUT POLITICS?

Now that Chris Mullin's Warriors have knocked off the Dallas Mavericks, do you suppose Mullin fancies himself as being a basketball genius the way Isiah Thomas does?

Yeah, it's not like he assembled that team or anything... And now we're back on sports? Make up your midget mind, Lupica!

And imagine how good about himself Isiah's going to feel when his team beats anybody in a playoff series?

This is a moot point, seeing as how a team headed by Isiah Thomas will never win a playoff series.